Imagine my shock when I weighed myself this morning and discovered that I have lost 7 pounds since I started this on 10/7!  I seriously can't believe it.  The naysayer in me keeps saying things like, "It's just water weight that you lost," or "You'll put that weight back on as soon as you quit the plan," but I'm telling that naysayer to shut up and go away.  I know darn well that I've been working hard and I'm not going to allow that kind of self-talk.  I'm also not going to allow myself to quit the plan.  That's not to say that I'm making a lifetime commitment to this, but let's just say that it will be at least 6 months before I consider trying anything else.

Nothing, not even Weight Watchers, has helped me to achieve the kind of success that I've seen this week.  I'm absolutely astounded at how much Slim Fast curbs my previously voracious appetite.  I know I sound like an inside employee at this point, but I really am shocked at how well this is working.  It's as if an "acceptance switch" has been flipped in my head.  My hunger was so strong before that no amount of acceptance or effort could quiet it.  I'm using the time that I'm spending not being hungry to work through my emotional eating issues in my mind.  My common sense couldn't get a word in edgewise before!   

Yes, indeed, my frame of mind when it comes to weight loss and good choices is changing by the day.  I'm starting to see myself as worthy of investing the time spent exercising (just walking for now).  It's very jarring for me, but in a really, really good way.  To think that just 11 days ago, I was stopping at McDonald's every single morning on the way in to work for a sausage and cheese bagel and hashbrowns, not giving a damn about how sick it would make me feel by 10 a.m.  It was food, it was grease, it was hot.  Basically, it was enough.  No longer.

I keep telling myself that every single moment is a choice.  I can choose to stop for Wendy's at lunch, but what will it do to me and my resolve to stay on this plan?  I can choose to get Chipotle after work on Wednesdays when E is with her father, but how will that affect my mood later that night?  Will I really want to take the time to pack a healthy lunch for the next day when I'm beached on the couch, half sick from too much fast food?  No.  I'll justify going to bed early and tell myself that I'll get up early the next morning to do it.  Do you really think that ends up happening?  Not likely.

Following this plan feels like an affirmation that I matter.  I've lost sight of that over the years, but maybe I'm finally coming back to my senses . . .

I had a bit of a success today to counteract yesterday's crashing pretzel failure.  My work friend M, whom I often spend lunch breaks with, decided that she wanted to go to Quiznos on the way back to work after shopping.  She knows I'm on Slim Fast and am struggling to maintain my self-control, so she asked if it would create a problem for me.  I told her that it was fine, if only because I don't want to affect others just because I'm having a problem.  Ordinarily, I would have gone in with her and almost certainly buckled to temptation, despite the fact that I brought my Slim Fast and sandwich.  I actually decided to sit in the car, knowing that I wasn't strong enough to resist.  I was so proud of myself.  Two weeks ago, that never would have happened.  I would have justified the bejeezus out of going inside and ordering a sub. 

Seriously, yay me.  :-) 

Oh, Slim Fast website, how badly I did today.  I'm ashamed to admit that I gave in to temptation.  As someone who gains water weight by simply walking past a swimming pool, I know that excess sodium is my sworn enemy.  Cheetos, pretzels, potato chips, Doritos, Fritos = major no-nos for me.  So why did I eat about 50 Rold Gold pretzels today?  Not the tiny twists, but the big ones.  The ones that are flecked with about 35 big ol' grains of salt apiece?   My ankles are furious with me right now. 

I knew exactly what I was doing when I reached up into the overhead cabinet at my desk and grabbed the bag.  That's what worries me the most: the fact that I so willingly succumbed to temptation.  That can't be a good sign.  I drank my shakes and ate my reasonable lunch and dinner.  The good thing is that I didn't buy any garbage for breakfast or lunch as I have for so many years now.  I drank all of my water, as usual.  I'm trying to look on the bright side and tell myself that packing my lunch every day  for the past week is a HUGE step for me.  I'm trying very hard to remain positive.

I've read enough posts here to realize that the only thing to do is to start over tomorrow, following the diet to the letter.  I'm going to give away the stupid pretzels as soon as I get to work.  I have a feeling that the old saying "out of sight, out of mind" isn't just something people say to sound witty.

I just have to announce that I exercised by choice today for the first time in years today.  I actually asked the new person in my office if she wanted to go for a walk since it was so nice outside.  The voice I heard coming from my own mouth didn't even sound like mine.  I feel like I'm really starting to get it.  Finally . . .