newtitus2009's Announcements

Another day in the mist of a snow Blizzard. I have NEVER seen this before in my neck of the woods. Its amazing. But what a perfect opportunity for me to be on my own in my own apt and just creating a routine that just involves, well, Me. So yesterday I walk/jog 2mi. Today I cycled 30 mins and did some crunches. Feeling good. I am trying not to over do it. Again, trying to be patient and get my body to a place that can be pushed harder and harder. Even though I know that it will take time, if not years, to get to a place that I know my body will be where it needs to be. I have to create a new machine. Like any idea, I have to start with a blueprint and then get my tools and start building. This is a life journey. I have to retrain my brain. Getting back to basics.

newtitus2009 — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:11:23 GMT

Another day in the mist of a snow Blizzard. I have NEVER seen this before in my neck of the woods. Its amazing. But what a perfect opportunity for me to be on my own in my own apt and just creating a routine that just involves, well, Me. So yesterday I walk/jog 2mi. Today I cycled 30 mins and did some crunches. Feeling good. I am trying not to over do it. Again, trying to be patient and get my body to a place that can be pushed harder and harder. Even though I know that it will take time, if not years, to get to a place that I know my body will be where it needs to be. I have to create a new machine. Like any idea, I have to start with a blueprint and then get my tools and start building. This is a life journey. I have to retrain my brain. Getting back to basics.

Three feet of snow. Snow piles towering over me. Beautiful. And a day off!! So, since this weekend I finally rested in my new apt and caught up on the lives of my friends, watched movies and slept some more, I decided to use this day to start my routine. So I just got back from the gym - jog/walk for 1.5 mi. Its crazy how quickly the body goes back to sluggish mode. So I am still here still trying still pushing.

newtitus2009 — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:47:53 GMT

Three feet of snow. Snow piles towering over me. Beautiful. And a day off!! So, since this weekend I finally rested in my new apt and caught up on the lives of my friends, watched movies and slept some more, I decided to use this day to start my routine. So I just got back from the gym - jog/walk for 1.5 mi. Its crazy how quickly the body goes back to sluggish mode. So I am still here still trying still pushing.

So its my birthday month...each day I get closer to the big 3-0 I actually feel butterflies in my tummy. In terms of the wedding dress post, I know that it sounded so random and yet there is no wedding. Maybe no engagement either. That day actually change my perspective on my self-esteem. From then on, Ive been more and more focusing on falling in love with Me. I deserve the best. I have so much to give. "Never settle." "Liive to Inspire." "Just be." These are my most favorite quotes and yet as much as I have adviced others, I have not taken my own advice over the years. Like a hermit, I have hidden in the shadows, discouraged and alone. But that was never my personality or character. Its like the battle between the ego and the id-an internal battle between my selves, if that makes sense. The core of me versus the present custom that is wearing my down, like a volcano, I want to explode! I want to smile more. I want to laugh more. I want to love more. It really doesnt have to be that hard. Life is not designed to be unsuccessful-the beauty of God's grace and mercy is that when I fall, He picks me back up, uncoditional forgiveness and love. I dont want to exist anymore, I want to live.

newtitus2009 — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 16:08:20 GMT

So its my birthday month...each day I get closer to the big 3-0 I actually feel butterflies in my tummy. In terms of the wedding dress post, I know that it sounded so random and yet there is no wedding. Maybe no engagement either. That day actually change my perspective on my self-esteem. From then on, Ive been more and more focusing on falling in love with Me. I deserve the best. I have so much to give. "Never settle." "Liive to Inspire." "Just be." These are my most favorite quotes and yet as much as I have adviced others, I have not taken my own advice over the years. Like a hermit, I have hidden in the shadows, discouraged and alone. But that was never my personality or character. Its like the battle between the ego and the id-an internal battle between my selves, if that makes sense. The core of me versus the present custom that is wearing my down, like a volcano, I want to explode! I want to smile more. I want to laugh more. I want to love more. It really doesnt have to be that hard. Life is not designed to be unsuccessful-the beauty of God's grace and mercy is that when I fall, He picks me back up, uncoditional forgiveness and love. I dont want to exist anymore, I want to live.

I was never that little girl who dreamed of being a bride. I never pretended to walk down the aisle. I never envisioned myself in a wedding gown. I loved legos and transformers. But last week I did the unthinkable that no one but you Ladies know - I tried on wedding dresses at David's Bridal. At first, it was kinda boring - the dresses were too big, too detailed, too heavy, too white. And then the sales lady said she will be right back. I just stood there on the platform, blah. She returned with a contemporary ivory silhouette gown and like a glove, there I was, with every curve flattered and my bust supported and there I was in front of the mirror, with a great hourglass shape - I am beautiful! In that moment, if I was getting married the next day, I would have felt higher than cloud 9. Since monday, I have had no urge or cravings for junk food. Every time I may be tempted in boredom, I recall my reflection and that feeling of complete bliss renews. I move into my apt this weekend - yeah!!! Classes have started. Slowly but surely, building one brick at a time, I am starting to get clarity. Reconnecting with friends and family. Its a beautiful thing. Laughing and crying. Being human. This year already, I am planning trips to Dominican Republic and Jamaica. I have a vision of myself in a sweet green bikini on the beachs of DR in May - I can see it now. Just last night I recruited one of my friends to go on a cruise - enjoying life. Thats my motto for 2010. no more regrets. no more what ifs. its about the now.

newtitus2009 — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 06:06:56 GMT

I was never that little girl who dreamed of being a bride. I never pretended to walk down the aisle. I never envisioned myself in a wedding gown. I loved legos and transformers. But last week I did the unthinkable that no one but you Ladies know - I tried on wedding dresses at David's Bridal. At first, it was kinda boring - the dresses were too big, too detailed, too heavy, too white. And then the sales lady said she will be right back. I just stood there on the platform, blah. She returned with a contemporary ivory silhouette gown and like a glove, there I was, with every curve flattered and my bust supported and there I was in front of the mirror, with a great hourglass shape - I am beautiful! In that moment, if I was getting married the next day, I would have felt higher than cloud 9. Since monday, I have had no urge or cravings for junk food. Every time I may be tempted in boredom, I recall my reflection and that feeling of complete bliss renews.

I move into my apt this weekend - yeah!!! Classes have started. Slowly but surely, building one brick at a time, I am starting to get clarity. Reconnecting with friends and family. Its a beautiful thing. Laughing and crying. Being human. This year already, I am planning trips to Dominican Republic and Jamaica. I have a vision of myself in a sweet green bikini on the beachs of DR in May - I can see it now. Just last night I recruited one of my friends to go on a cruise - enjoying life. Thats my motto for 2010. no more regrets. no more what ifs. its about the now.

So I have been completely off plan, any plan, every plan! But good news, I think that I found the apartment that will give me some piece of mind! I will know by Wednesday. If everything goes well, I will be getting my stuff out of storage (another anxiety attack, but worth it). Im excited. I am so ready to just relax in my own space and maybe then I can focus and handle my business. This would be the best birthday present to myself to just relax in my own place. So much events this year I want to participate in...my cousins are planning a trip to Dominican Republic in May and possibly a family trip to Jamaica in the fall. My brother graduates from high school in May. Mini trip to NYC for July 4th. The biggest one of all will be me graduating with my MA...oh how sweet it would be!!! So with all that said and done, with all these changes, hopefully it will reflect in my eating habits and emotional well-being. My assumption for my overeating and anxiety is the pressures I have been in these past few years. I am trying to make better decisions and most importantly, learning to say "No", politely of course. Small changes. Big steps. Doing the impossible. Thank you for sticking with me Ladies.

newtitus2009 — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 00:53:34 GMT

So I have been completely off plan, any plan, every plan! But good news, I think that I found the apartment that will give me some piece of mind! I will know by Wednesday. If everything goes well, I will be getting my stuff out of storage (another anxiety attack, but worth it). Im excited. I am so ready to just relax in my own space and maybe then I can focus and handle my business. This would be the best birthday present to myself to just relax in my own place.

So much events this year I want to participate in...my cousins are planning a trip to Dominican Republic in May and possibly a family trip to Jamaica in the fall. My brother graduates from high school in May. Mini trip to NYC for July 4th. The biggest one of all will be me graduating with my MA...oh how sweet it would be!!! So with all that said and done, with all these changes, hopefully it will reflect in my eating habits and emotional well-being. My assumption for my overeating and anxiety is the pressures I have been in these past few years. I am trying to make better decisions and most importantly, learning to say "No", politely of course.

Small changes. Big steps. Doing the impossible. Thank you for sticking with me Ladies.

Happy New Year!!! I know I went incognito around the holidays but I need to be completely focused to get thru it because it can be very emotionally draining for me. But fortunately I can say that it was better than I expected. For 2010, I want to focus more on myself. Modifying my emotional, spiritual, and mental beings. Letting go of bad habits and saying goodbye to the past. Being able to look forward, smile and just be okay. I am not perfect. But I know that I can be a better person to myself and my loved ones. I will not be using SL in my dietary and exercising routine for 2010. But I wanted to continue sharing with you my journey as this is more than just a food diary - you all have become my cheerleading team and I hope that we can continue to encourage and support each other in this journey of the self minus the weight. Tomorrow I will have my current weight and measurements posted as well as my ultimate and mini goals regarding weight and exercise. I have bought my last diet book - The 4 Day Diet by Dr. Ian Smith. I signed up on 50millionpound.com, however, I wanted you all to be part of this journey with me. I was able to get in on Dr. Ian's team a few weeks ago listening to the radio and whats nice is that he emails directly the team daily and sets up challenges. Why I think this will be good for me is because his 4 day diet is set in 4 day modules that can be organized in any manner throughout the weightloss process so I dont feel bored but can rotate meals and food selections. I hope that you all will welcome this change.

newtitus2009 — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 20:40:18 GMT

Happy New Year!!! I know I went incognito around the holidays but I need to be completely focused to get thru it because it can be very emotionally draining for me. But fortunately I can say that it was better than I expected. For 2010, I want to focus more on myself. Modifying my emotional, spiritual, and mental beings. Letting go of bad habits and saying goodbye to the past. Being able to look forward, smile and just be okay. I am not perfect. But I know that I can be a better person to myself and my loved ones.

I will not be using SL in my dietary and exercising routine for 2010. But I wanted to continue sharing with you my journey as this is more than just a food diary - you all have become my cheerleading team and I hope that we can continue to encourage and support each other in this journey of the self minus the weight.

Tomorrow I will have my current weight and measurements posted as well as my ultimate and mini goals regarding weight and exercise. I have bought my last diet book - The 4 Day Diet by Dr. Ian Smith. I signed up on 50millionpound.com, however, I wanted you all to be part of this journey with me. I was able to get in on Dr. Ian's team a few weeks ago listening to the radio and whats nice is that he emails directly the team daily and sets up challenges. Why I think this will be good for me is because his 4 day diet is set in 4 day modules that can be organized in any manner throughout the weightloss process so I dont feel bored but can rotate meals and food selections.

I hope that you all will welcome this change.

Hi All...I hope all of your Turkey Days was filled with the three Fs - Food, Family, & Fun. My day was good as I spent it with my man, my father and my father's girlfriend. I had a good weekend. Very restful. I feel good. So with a clear mind and in high spirits, I want to try this Slimfast challenge once again. Technically, I should at least be 20lbs done by now. I have faith that I can get back on track with my mini goals. December can prove to be very good to me since I am able to prepare first. I dont foresee any interruptions, although this journey has revealed much about me that I need to modify or just let go. Being in this community with you all has truly helped me because I would have just felt embarrassed and ashamed with my behaviors and choices, and I thought on many occasions about doing the usual, disappearing. But I am still here. Overall, all good lessons to learn from to make better choices in my daily walk with God, food, and family, and most importantly, with myself. I hope that you all continue to walk with me. God Bless.

newtitus2009 — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 16:25:51 GMT

Hi All...I hope all of your Turkey Days was filled with the three Fs - Food, Family, & Fun. My day was good as I spent it with my man, my father and my father's girlfriend. I had a good weekend. Very restful. I feel good. So with a clear mind and in high spirits, I want to try this Slimfast challenge once again. Technically, I should at least be 20lbs done by now. I have faith that I can get back on track with my mini goals. December can prove to be very good to me since I am able to prepare first. I dont foresee any interruptions, although this journey has revealed much about me that I need to modify or just let go. Being in this community with you all has truly helped me because I would have just felt embarrassed and ashamed with my behaviors and choices, and I thought on many occasions about doing the usual, disappearing. But I am still here. Overall, all good lessons to learn from to make better choices in my daily walk with God, food, and family, and most importantly, with myself. I hope that you all continue to walk with me. God Bless.

So I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I am spending it with my dad this year. I am making a glazed ham and roasted chicken. My sides will be candied yams, mac&cheese, and potato salad. Of course, I have mixed lettuce greens and frozen vegetables. I am prepping tonight and actually feeling good about tomorrow's spread. I know its not best to put things on hold, but I plan to hit the gym on Friday and on. I bought a black Calvin Klein dress online today. I plan to wear it to the wedding that my man and I are attending during xmas. Its a size 12. I found it at Ross last night and tried it on. It fits, but a little snug but very classy and loves all my curves. Thats my new motivation. Lets see if that will work. This is actually a pretty good season to go running, so many 5ks and mini clubs that are available. There are many resources around me so I should take advantage and not feel like I am on my own. Lets see how many miracles can happen in my life before the new year.

newtitus2009 — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 22:32:34 GMT

So I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I am spending it with my dad this year. I am making a glazed ham and roasted chicken. My sides will be candied yams, mac&cheese, and potato salad. Of course, I have mixed lettuce greens and frozen vegetables. I am prepping tonight and actually feeling good about tomorrow's spread.

I know its not best to put things on hold, but I plan to hit the gym on Friday and on. I bought a black Calvin Klein dress online today. I plan to wear it to the wedding that my man and I are attending during xmas. Its a size 12. I found it at Ross last night and tried it on. It fits, but a little snug but very classy and loves all my curves. Thats my new motivation. Lets see if that will work. This is actually a pretty good season to go running, so many 5ks and mini clubs that are available. There are many resources around me so I should take advantage and not feel like I am on my own.

Lets see how many miracles can happen in my life before the new year.

So in two months, I lost 10lbs. Not bad. Could be better. But I think that like an onion, there are layers of me that need to be peeled and I think that I wanted others to help in that process but at the end of the day, its all on Me. And this weekend was a necessary evil that needed to happen so that I can begin to aproach my lifestyle change with a realistic method and to understand what my obstacles are so that I can begin to remove them and tackle these hurdles so that I can reach the next level in my life, end this chapter and move on. What I love about God is that when I feel like there is nothing left or no other way, a little light shines and I see an opening. Yesterday I wanted a marathon to define me. But thats not what will solve any problem. There are runs every weekend almost. Those are things that will be there, but what about me? If I choose running to be my method to manage my anxiety, then it has to be part of me, it has to be second nature. I must be persistent in my endeavors. This week is Thanksgiving and I am thankful that I have found you all and its been a true blessing to walk this walk with you. I hope that you have a great week and I say eat to the fullest on Thursday because this is the one day in the year dedicating to fellowship and food. To be honest, one day wont make or break you, its what we do with the other days. Enjoy yourself and family and friends that share in this occasion with you. But most importantly, enjoy who you are in this moment and know that it can only get better.

newtitus2009 — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:24:52 GMT

So in two months, I lost 10lbs. Not bad. Could be better. But I think that like an onion, there are layers of me that need to be peeled and I think that I wanted others to help in that process but at the end of the day, its all on Me. And this weekend was a necessary evil that needed to happen so that I can begin to aproach my lifestyle change with a realistic method and to understand what my obstacles are so that I can begin to remove them and tackle these hurdles so that I can reach the next level in my life, end this chapter and move on.

What I love about God is that when I feel like there is nothing left or no other way, a little light shines and I see an opening. Yesterday I wanted a marathon to define me. But thats not what will solve any problem. There are runs every weekend almost. Those are things that will be there, but what about me? If I choose running to be my method to manage my anxiety, then it has to be part of me, it has to be second nature. I must be persistent in my endeavors.

This week is Thanksgiving and I am thankful that I have found you all and its been a true blessing to walk this walk with you. I hope that you have a great week and I say eat to the fullest on Thursday because this is the one day in the year dedicating to fellowship and food. To be honest, one day wont make or break you, its what we do with the other days. Enjoy yourself and family and friends that share in this occasion with you. But most importantly, enjoy who you are in this moment and know that it can only get better.

DAY 62 No marathon for me today. I had a complete emotional breakdown at 5am this morning - what if I am the last one? Will I be the only walking? What if I cant complete the course in the allotted time? All these questions weighed me down and I just didnt go. I realize that I have much more to work on than I realize. That this food issue is bigger than I realize and food is just the medicine, I have to now conquer this disorder, whatever it is that is hindering me from moving forward. What am I afraid of???? I dont know. I preach about conquering our fears and yet I remain stagnant in my own endeavors. I have not been consistent on my food journeling and making bad choices these past several days. I just got the pictures from my cousin from JA and wow! I am a cow. I looked TERRIBLE even in black!!! I cant live like this anymore. I need help. DAY 52 I am having trouble adding an announcement so I am adding it on a previous update. So I am back in the US. My trip was short lived, but so amazing. It was great to see my extended family together again. My mother has not been back to Jamaica for over 20 years, so it really was like a reunion. This was the first time that all of my grandmother's children were back in the house they were raised in for over 20 years now. It was great. I ate and ate and ate. It was a feast from Friday to Sunday. Unfortunately, no water. My aunt is buried on my grandparent's land next to my grandfather. It was very emotional. I actually gave a tribute by reading a poem selected by the family. All of my life I have felt like the ugly duckling - sticking out like a sore thumb in family pics but when I was at the house among family friends, they kept calling me by my mother's name and confusing me with her. When I correct them, they were like, "Oh! You look just like her!!!" It made me feel so good. And the best, I was sitting next to my grandmother and her friend said that I have her eyes. Wow. I needed this. To feel part of, not like my family has not done that all of my life, but its that confirmation that I needed. So back in the US, I have not lost any weight, actually, that time of month started this week so Im hoping not to yield to the cravings!!! I have less than 2 weeks to the marathon and I am hoping that I can get thru it. Starting tomorrow, I am going to completely dive into the exercise routine, going a total of 2 hours everyday. My sister made her JV basketball team last week and her routine is 2 hrs 6 days of the week. If she can do it I can too!!!! And Thank you all for checking in on me and leaving encouraging words.

newtitus2009 — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 21:20:17 GMT

***DAY 62***

No marathon for me today. I had a complete emotional breakdown at 5am this morning - what if I am the last one? Will I be the only walking? What if I cant complete the course in the allotted time? All these questions weighed me down and I just didnt go. I realize that I have much more to work on than I realize. That this food issue is bigger than I realize and food is just the medicine, I have to now conquer this disorder, whatever it is that is hindering me from moving forward. What am I afraid of???? I dont know. I preach about conquering our fears and yet I remain stagnant in my own endeavors. I have not been consistent on my food journeling and making bad choices these past several days. I just got the pictures from my cousin from JA and wow! I am a cow. I looked TERRIBLE even in black!!! I cant live like this anymore. I need help.

****DAY 52****

I am having trouble adding an announcement so I am adding it on a previous update. So I am back in the US. My trip was short lived, but so amazing. It was great to see my extended family together again. My mother has not been back to Jamaica for over 20 years, so it really was like a reunion. This was the first time that all of my grandmother's children were back in the house they were raised in for over 20 years now. It was great. I ate and ate and ate. It was a feast from Friday to Sunday. Unfortunately, no water. My aunt is buried on my grandparent's land next to my grandfather. It was very emotional. I actually gave a tribute by reading a poem selected by the family. All of my life I have felt like the ugly duckling - sticking out like a sore thumb in family pics but when I was at the house among family friends, they kept calling me by my mother's name and confusing me with her. When I correct them, they were like, "Oh! You look just like her!!!" It made me feel so good. And the best, I was sitting next to my grandmother and her friend said that I have her eyes. Wow. I needed this. To feel part of, not like my family has not done that all of my life, but its that confirmation that I needed.

So back in the US, I have not lost any weight, actually, that time of month started this week so Im hoping not to yield to the cravings!!! I have less than 2 weeks to the marathon and I am hoping that I can get thru it. Starting tomorrow, I am going to completely dive into the exercise routine, going a total of 2 hours everyday. My sister made her JV basketball team last week and her routine is 2 hrs 6 days of the week. If she can do it I can too!!!!

And Thank you all for checking in on me and leaving encouraging words.

Ladies! Ladies! I cannot log into SF at my home computer - dont ask. So I have not been able to update you all...so I do apologize as I do not want you to think that I have gone into hiding! I miss you all!!! I really do. Without our communication I realize that its so easy for me to slack off - I need the motivation and encouragement from you all. So this Saturday is the 12k marathon and I am freaking out, second guessing myself and just plain scared. Its been about two weeks that I have not been on schedule with my exercise routine. I went back to the gym on Monday and good Lord, you would think that I have never seen the treadmill before!!! It was like pulling teeth. I got thru 2 miles but it felt like forever. Yesterday, I went to the gym, determined to conquer this run and literally, I didnt get my wind until the 3rd mile which I was finally had a good pace, breathing well and I ran the mi without stopping. I did about 3.5 miles total and inbetween 40 mins on the bike. Today I will try to attempt 4miles. Since Monday, I have tried to get back on my food schedule. Adding my saute spinach and garlic and I bought brown rice. I am trying to stay fueled from the runs. I have been having oatmeal in the mornings for fibre. Plus I think the bloating as gone down so I feel a less heavy. Trying to get my waters back in. It takes me literally 2 weeks to get back into habit - crazy. After this saturday, my new goal will be a family friends wedding on Dec 27th in GA. I will focus more on weightloss as you can see I have not lost anything for weeks, but I guess thats better than gaining. I will keep you posted on my countdown til saturday. keep me in your prayers.

newtitus2009 — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:24:04 GMT

Ladies! Ladies! I cannot log into SF at my home computer - dont ask. So I have not been able to update you all...so I do apologize as I do not want you to think that I have gone into hiding! I miss you all!!! I really do. Without our communication I realize that its so easy for me to slack off - I need the motivation and encouragement from you all.

So this Saturday is the 12k marathon and I am freaking out, second guessing myself and just plain scared. Its been about two weeks that I have not been on schedule with my exercise routine. I went back to the gym on Monday and good Lord, you would think that I have never seen the treadmill before!!! It was like pulling teeth. I got thru 2 miles but it felt like forever. Yesterday, I went to the gym, determined to conquer this run and literally, I didnt get my wind until the 3rd mile which I was finally had a good pace, breathing well and I ran the mi without stopping. I did about 3.5 miles total and inbetween 40 mins on the bike. Today I will try to attempt 4miles.

Since Monday, I have tried to get back on my food schedule. Adding my saute spinach and garlic and I bought brown rice. I am trying to stay fueled from the runs. I have been having oatmeal in the mornings for fibre. Plus I think the bloating as gone down so I feel a less heavy. Trying to get my waters back in. It takes me literally 2 weeks to get back into habit - crazy. After this saturday, my new goal will be a family friends wedding on Dec 27th in GA. I will focus more on weightloss as you can see I have not lost anything for weeks, but I guess thats better than gaining.

I will keep you posted on my countdown til saturday. keep me in your prayers.

Day 46 Ladies...this week is a disaster and I dont know how to save myself. Ive been feeling so blah and I realized that any break in routine drives me crazy - its official. Just a day or two off schedule and it takes me forever to get back on track. I dont understand. Does that come with age? Or have I always been like that? I dont know. Im not eating as much as I have in the past, but I have made some bad choices these past several days and I have yet to incorporate fruits and veggies. I am not hungry yet I want to eat. Geeeeeerrrrrrrrrr. I have weighed in everyday and luckily I have not gained any weight, however, if I dont stop I know that those lbs will sneak up on me very soon. However, some good news, I was able to fit into my size 12 green cargo khaki pants and I wore them to work today. They are snug but I can button them and most importantly, seat comfortably. So I guess I lost some inches. My aunt's funeral is on saturday. I am heading to Jamaica tomorrow. I will be back on Monday. I am very excited as our family has not been together for many years and although it happens in a time of sadness, I think this is a good opportunity to reconnect.

newtitus2009 — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:46:48 GMT

***Day 46***

Ladies...this week is a disaster and I dont know how to save myself. Ive been feeling so blah and I realized that any break in routine drives me crazy - its official. Just a day or two off schedule and it takes me forever to get back on track. I dont understand. Does that come with age? Or have I always been like that? I dont know. Im not eating as much as I have in the past, but I have made some bad choices these past several days and I have yet to incorporate fruits and veggies. I am not hungry yet I want to eat. Geeeeeerrrrrrrrrr.

I have weighed in everyday and luckily I have not gained any weight, however, if I dont stop I know that those lbs will sneak up on me very soon. However, some good news, I was able to fit into my size 12 green cargo khaki pants and I wore them to work today. They are snug but I can button them and most importantly, seat comfortably. So I guess I lost some inches.

My aunt's funeral is on saturday. I am heading to Jamaica tomorrow. I will be back on Monday. I am very excited as our family has not been together for many years and although it happens in a time of sadness, I think this is a good opportunity to reconnect.

Wow. Day 38. I cant believe it. That I have stuck this long to eating better and living a better life. I feel a bit overwhelmed this past few days but overall, I am glad to be alive. I have no real food plan other than drinking my SL in the morning, eating a turkey and cheese rye sandwich for lunch and then another SL in the late afternoon and then possibly a small meal ie baked chicken thigh, white rice, and green beans. I realize that I have to eat more because of my workouts, but I dont know what it is, most days I am just not that hungry. But I dont want to go into starvation mode. My water intake is well. This week I have been bad on veggies and fruits. I try to stock up on spinach and grapefruit but have yet to get to the store. My workouts are okay. I really need better music. But I can get thru 3mi, now I gotta work on reaching 4mi with some ease.

newtitus2009 — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 01:13:49 GMT

Wow. Day 38. I cant believe it. That I have stuck this long to eating better and living a better life. I feel a bit overwhelmed this past few days but overall, I am glad to be alive. I have no real food plan other than drinking my SL in the morning, eating a turkey and cheese rye sandwich for lunch and then another SL in the late afternoon and then possibly a small meal ie baked chicken thigh, white rice, and green beans. I realize that I have to eat more because of my workouts, but I dont know what it is, most days I am just not that hungry. But I dont want to go into starvation mode. My water intake is well. This week I have been bad on veggies and fruits. I try to stock up on spinach and grapefruit but have yet to get to the store. My workouts are okay. I really need better music. But I can get thru 3mi, now I gotta work on reaching 4mi with some ease.

My mother was waiting for me at baggage. She saw me and she was all smiles. Before I could say a word she says, "I knew you could do it! You look great! Keep it up!" I didnt tell my mom about my past weeks of weightloss so to hear her and feel how happy she was makes it all worthwhile. Thats my first reinforcement. I had a wonderful time with my family. We went to the haunted cornfields and there is a jumping pillow. I must had been on that thing for 2 hours - I feel the burn right now!!! I know family is important, but this weekend, it made it so much more clearer for me. I miss them very much. Being here in DC, I know I had to go where the jobs are and finish school, which by the way, I handed in my thesis proposal last week Thursday, but I miss them so much. My cousins son was so tired, hes two, and while waiting for the last event to the bonfire to make smores, I sang "I am a Promise" and he fell asleep right on my shoulder - it was so beautiful. Its in these moments that happiness is found. Actually, I had many happy moments - My sister's friends think I am so cool, the older sister who is down!!! hahahaha. Or falling asleep on my brothers shoulder. Or whispering and laughing with my cousin. Or sleeping with my mom. Happiness is not in food, its everything else.

newtitus2009 — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:45:30 GMT

My mother was waiting for me at baggage. She saw me and she was all smiles. Before I could say a word she says, "I knew you could do it! You look great! Keep it up!" I didnt tell my mom about my past weeks of weightloss so to hear her and feel how happy she was makes it all worthwhile. Thats my first reinforcement. I had a wonderful time with my family. We went to the haunted cornfields and there is a jumping pillow. I must had been on that thing for 2 hours - I feel the burn right now!!! I know family is important, but this weekend, it made it so much more clearer for me. I miss them very much. Being here in DC, I know I had to go where the jobs are and finish school, which by the way, I handed in my thesis proposal last week Thursday, but I miss them so much. My cousins son was so tired, hes two, and while waiting for the last event to the bonfire to make smores, I sang "I am a Promise" and he fell asleep right on my shoulder - it was so beautiful. Its in these moments that happiness is found. Actually, I had many happy moments - My sister's friends think I am so cool, the older sister who is down!!! hahahaha. Or falling asleep on my brothers shoulder. Or whispering and laughing with my cousin. Or sleeping with my mom. Happiness is not in food, its everything else.

Today I learned that my aunt passed away this morning. She was suffering from a stomach ulcer that exploded last night and she was rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately, she did not make it through the surgery. Its a tough time right now for my family. God works in mysterious ways because I have a flight to ATL tomorrow which is somewhat of good timing I guess so that I can be with my mother and cousins. Not sure when the funeral will be scheduled, but please keep me in your prayers. As we all know, I am an emotional eater and this would be a great time to completely binge but I am trying to suppress any emotional chaos inside me.

newtitus2009 — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 03:03:44 GMT

Today I learned that my aunt passed away this morning. She was suffering from a stomach ulcer that exploded last night and she was rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately, she did not make it through the surgery. Its a tough time right now for my family. God works in mysterious ways because I have a flight to ATL tomorrow which is somewhat of good timing I guess so that I can be with my mother and cousins. Not sure when the funeral will be scheduled, but please keep me in your prayers. As we all know, I am an emotional eater and this would be a great time to completely binge but I am trying to suppress any emotional chaos inside me.

I am missing calories. Everytime I work out, my appetite is gone. I cant explain it. I dont want to eat. I know this will somehow attack me later. So I am off to ATL this weekend. I will definitely be making up all these missing calories - hey, does that count? j/k. I am confident that I wont go over board, but with my younger siblings baking cookies and eating soulfood, I hope this exercising will balance everything out. We shall see.

newtitus2009 — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 01:31:25 GMT

I am missing calories. Everytime I work out, my appetite is gone. I cant explain it. I dont want to eat. I know this will somehow attack me later. So I am off to ATL this weekend. I will definitely be making up all these missing calories - hey, does that count? j/k. I am confident that I wont go over board, but with my younger siblings baking cookies and eating soulfood, I hope this exercising will balance everything out. We shall see.

4.5mi in 63.25mins. And thats all folks!!!!! Good night!!!!

newtitus2009 — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:19:28 GMT

4.5mi in 63.25mins. And thats all folks!!!!! Good night!!!!

It took my 2 weeks to undo 2lbs that took me a few days to add on. Crazy. Goodbye 182!!! This is the last time I want to weigh in at 182lbs. I do feel good. I feel "lighter" and motivated.

newtitus2009 — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 14:49:39 GMT

It took my 2 weeks to undo 2lbs that took me a few days to add on. Crazy. Goodbye 182!!! This is the last time I want to weigh in at 182lbs. I do feel good. I feel "lighter" and motivated.

So yesterday I was semi proud of myself. While baking on Thursday, I almost, unconsciously, licked my finger when the brownie batter got on it!!! hahahahaha. But I didnt taste a thing. Not even the lasagna. On Friday, my hunger pains were kicking in once I smelt the aromas in my office. I decided to get a egg omelette no cheese. Instead, I had him just give me half the omelette and I used salsa and sour cream to dress it up. That held me down til lunch. I was so good!!!! I had only one piece of lasagna and a piece of brownie square. And without worries, by the end of the luncheon, no leftovers. Hooray!!! So I finish the day. But my mind kept thinking about the brownies...yes, the ghost of the brownies! I got home and I just wanted a piece of chocolate. My dad has M&Ms [I dont like them] but to take the edge off, I counted 20 pieces. By the 15th piece, I was so disgusted. I could feel my blood being replaced by the sugar. But I realized that my craving just got worse. I made a life and death decision - I decided to eat my dad's beef stew. I had a bowl. Then I laid down. This was before 7pm. Ladies, I just woke up. 12 hours later!!! lol. I knocked out. But today is a new day. Back to SF. Back to my waters. And back to my fitness schedule. Today, a 3 mi run again. FYI, I am jogging 5 min with a 1 min walk. So I start off with a 5 min walk and then start the alternations until I get to 34mins. Then I walked the last 5 mins. What I want to do is take out that last 5 min walk. Thanks to all of you checking in on me.

newtitus2009 — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 11:40:32 GMT

So yesterday I was semi proud of myself. While baking on Thursday, I almost, unconsciously, licked my finger when the brownie batter got on it!!! hahahahaha. But I didnt taste a thing. Not even the lasagna. On Friday, my hunger pains were kicking in once I smelt the aromas in my office. I decided to get a egg omelette no cheese. Instead, I had him just give me half the omelette and I used salsa and sour cream to dress it up. That held me down til lunch. I was so good!!!! I had only one piece of lasagna and a piece of brownie square. And without worries, by the end of the luncheon, no leftovers. Hooray!!! So I finish the day. But my mind kept thinking about the brownies...yes, the ghost of the brownies! I got home and I just wanted a piece of chocolate. My dad has M&Ms [I dont like them] but to take the edge off, I counted 20 pieces. By the 15th piece, I was so disgusted. I could feel my blood being replaced by the sugar. But I realized that my craving just got worse. I made a life and death decision - I decided to eat my dad's beef stew. I had a bowl. Then I laid down. This was before 7pm. Ladies, I just woke up. 12 hours later!!! lol. I knocked out. But today is a new day. Back to SF. Back to my waters. And back to my fitness schedule.

Today, a 3 mi run again. FYI, I am jogging 5 min with a 1 min walk. So I start off with a 5 min walk and then start the alternations until I get to 34mins. Then I walked the last 5 mins. What I want to do is take out that last 5 min walk.

Thanks to all of you checking in on me.

I just completed my 3 mile jog/walk in 40 mins. I did much better in the beginning. Walked the last 5 mins. My appetite is gone. I have a turkey sandwich for lunch and thats it for me. My slimfast in the morning and when I get home. Hopefully I dont hit a wall and crave everything in sight. But I feel good nonetheless. Building up my endurance. Tomorrow is a rest day. Which is good so that my muscles especially my shins can recover. So for tomorrow I volunteered to cater our boss appreciation luncheon last minute. I am making a turkey meat and spinach lasagna. I decided to buy a prepackaged salad. And I am making brownies. I know I know. I just wanted to show off really. This will be a true test of moderation and portion control for me. Ill keep you posted.

newtitus2009 — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 01:50:21 GMT

I just completed my 3 mile jog/walk in 40 mins. I did much better in the beginning. Walked the last 5 mins. My appetite is gone. I have a turkey sandwich for lunch and thats it for me. My slimfast in the morning and when I get home. Hopefully I dont hit a wall and crave everything in sight. But I feel good nonetheless. Building up my endurance. Tomorrow is a rest day. Which is good so that my muscles especially my shins can recover.

So for tomorrow I volunteered to cater our boss appreciation luncheon last minute. I am making a turkey meat and spinach lasagna. I decided to buy a prepackaged salad. And I am making brownies. I know I know. I just wanted to show off really. This will be a true test of moderation and portion control for me. Ill keep you posted.