This morning was feeling so good again.. I got to remember how good I feel when I stick to the program.  The short, immediate gratifications do not feel 1% as good as my long term goals.  Sure a beer a binge eat, it got me through the night.  It soothed that stress away in minutes.. but the next day, not so much.. it is all still there.  But these are lessons I'm learning.. and the punishment is the scale each week when it shows I'm not caring about myself.  I even stopped taking my medications last week.. stopped drinking my water.. the only thing I did right was I stuck to my little exercise commitment.. but we all need something to hold on to.  And I held onto that.  Made me happy to post something today.  I also weighed myself again.. 5 pound gain since last Friday.  Man can I pack on the pound FAST.

This morning feeling good, ate well Thursday and drank all my water, I woke up early today and went on a 5am run.  I love running early.. stars and moons still out.. no people, just me and my thoughts.  I ran to the .8 mile mark.. and turned and ran all the way back home!  1.6 miles!  1/2 way to my 5k goal!  OH I'M SOOOOO LUVIN MYSELF.  I can't wait till I can do it all right.. exercise & eating.. its like one or the other.. this week I'm feeling good.  I bet with my power of 10 goals, my running goals and just sticking to the plan goals.. those 5 pounds will be gone in a week... oh and the packing all my crap up in boxes... there will be no time for thanksgiving eating this week! 

I got on the scale today.  I gained 6 pounds… amazing what I can do to myself in a week.  I’m very melancholy today.  I’ve spent a lot of money on my move and car… I’m planning on moving over thanksgiving break.. no vacation days for me.  My daughter and I are using a cooler for keeping our food fresh.. the refrigerator is completely broke.  I don’t have a bed to sleep in.. after the roof flooded the bed I have it propped up on its side of my living room hoping for it not to be ruined for good.  I’m sleeping on the couch presently.  Between the bed leaning on the wall, the boxes for packing, the cooler for the frig… its not home sweet home.  My landlord doesn’t care at all now.. I told him I’m moving and will be out by the 1^st.   He had the nerve to ask if it was something he did?   I didn’t drink last night.. it’s not helping, nor has the binge eating I’ve been doing over the past week.  Very easy to slip into old habits.. they may help for the moment, but not in the long run.  I did get my phone back on.. still having issues with the internet.. Att&t and Comcast are fighting over the issue.. I pay Comcast, but they say it is Att&t’s issue.. I don’t care.. I just want internet.  I’d love to post more and read more posts.. I don’t have much time for much.  Soooo.. that’s the sadness of my life and I’m done with it.  I’m going to start looking for some positive!

I got new running shoes.. OH are they nice.  They are cheap, but much better than what I was wearing before.   I’ll be doing that 5k before you know it.  I’ve kept up with my power of 10 exercises for the week.. way to go me!  I can’ wait to move into my new place.. it is so much nicer than where I’m at now..even closer to the ocean, rent is cheaper and water included.. I’ll be saving over 2,000 a year.   I’ll get internet back too!  I miss reading how everyone else is doing.. I miss all of you.  For me, this posting is a big part of the plan, my buddies.  It is like an alcoholic going to AA.. you need to go for 30 days in a row.. or until you are strong enough to be on your own.. I fear I’m not strong enough.  My friends drink, so this is their solution to me having issues.  I need new friends, healthy friends.  Today I will run.. I will eat right.. I will pack and think about how great my life will be in my new home.. with a bed and a refrigerator to pack full of healthy foods J

My life is a bit out of control right now.. I'll write more when I can.  I'm at lunch at work and just wanted to keep all my buddies up to date.  Sorry I haven't been posting.. I'm living with no internet or phone (I HATE COMCAST) at home I have no refrigerator and I have a leek in my master bedroom that is directly on my bed.  I'm looking for a new home and OH.. I need 4 new tiers for my car.. LIFE SUX.. not my usual positive self.  I'm not eating the best, I'm drinking a lot of beer and not drinking my water.. the one thing I am doing is my exercises!!!!  so ONE thing is in my favor.. I'm not giving up.  Things will get better.. I'll post when I can.. and FYI: today I'm back in control.  Just went a little wild with all the stress..

oh and FYI... I ran a MILE without stopping!  bought myself a pair of real running shoes as a treat! 

Its been raining here for days.. the hurricane/tropical storm will avoid us.. but we will still be faced with a lot of water and winds.  Always fun living so close to an ocean.. but I've been in this beach community for almost a lifetime so you kinda get use to it.  I've been unable to run.  I did Wii boxing with my daughter one night, along with some other Wii sport games.. worked up a nice sweat.  Last night I did 10 sit ups.  Not too bad, going to increase it week by week.  I hate the rain right now. 

Last night was a total nightmare in my eating.  My daughter was home from school for the holiday, called me at work to tell me she was making me dinner.  She has never really made me a "real" dinner.  I didn't question and just said thank you.  When I got home, dinner was plated a served for me.  Two bread sticks, stuffed with mozzarella cheese (290 calories EACH) and about 3 cups of pasta covered in real butter.  She melted and poured it on.. I think I had at least 1/2 a stick in my portion, three types of cheese on top too.  She made a homemade chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting for desert.  NONE of this sounded good to me.  I was so at odds.. in no way could I break her heart.  She did not no better and was so proud.  I ate it.  It was hard to force it down.  I had to.. this was something she did out of love.  I tried to feed the dog under the table when she wasn't looking.. but she watched my every bite to see how happy I was.... well today I weighed in and the scale said 0 for the week.  Maybe all the cheese stopped me up and I'll be less tomorrow for Christmas weigh-in.  Today it is 0.  I was not upset.  I love my daughter and the pride and joy she had for that meal was not going to be squished by me saying, "Oh, I'm on a diet and can't eat any of your cooking!"  She cooked from her heart.  One meal should not of killed me.. but there was over 1000 calories in that meal, no doubt maybe more.  Maybe I'm building muscles from all that jogging too.  We will see how the scale settles tomorrow and go from there. 

I woke up early today.. went to 7am mass.. I like going at that time, seems more peaceful then.  I got home, changed into sweats and headed out for my jog.  There was an Air Show today.. the Blue Angles.  It is huge for the beaches, lots of traffic early.  Had some of the "old" voices in my head, just for a moment, where you feel people must be talking about me since I'm so large jogging.. then I hear from a passing car, "GO CONI!"  Put a smile on my face.. I have no idea who it was, I lived here almost my whole life so it could of been anyone.. but it was just what I needed.  I started RE-THINKING and all the people in the cars were talking about me and they were saying, WOW, look at her go.  I made the 1/2 mile point in a jog and did quite a bit of the second part of another 1/2 mile.. it was almost a mile... not quite, but it is just around the corner.  

My eating this weekend was MUCH better than last weekend.  Keeping a food journal is a must for me, at least right now.