I'm feeling 100% better!  Still a little soar but going to get up at 5am and back on the treadmill.. back on the shakes again... Glad that was over.  Nothing worse than a tooth ache.  Thanks for all the well wishes as usual!  

My dentist said yes, root canal needed, BUT my root is in a shape of of J.. he said it could get messy if he did it and would feel better getting me to an oral surgeon.  I'm set up for tomorrow in the AM.. another day of mash potatoes and gravy at room temperature.  I had to go to work just the same.. kinda goofy because of the meds.. no one even noticed, what's that saying?  :)  I go in at 9am and off to work afterwards.... FUN.  I'll keep yall posted, thx for caring as usual.  My SF family is the best!  

this weekend didn't go the best for me.  I was eating a fish dinner on Friday night and BAM a pain shot through me from one of my teeth.  I took about 1/2 a bottle of Tylenol with no relief.  I called my dentist on his cell phone.  He is so kind.  He stopped by the office to look at my last xrays of that tooth, called me in a script of pain killers and antibiotics.  Took till mid day Saturday for relief.  I spent the weekend laying around and pilled up.  I couldn't drink the shake because anything with sugar put me over the edge.  I ate mashed potatoes and gravy for 2 days.  I have an appointment for 8am today, Monday morning.  Back on the shakes once its over.. sure it is a root canal, fun.  It ruined my weekend but will be back on track tomorrow with my exercise and my shake plan for lent.  

So the decision is.. no 5k in March.  I’m signing up for one in April though, it was a tough decision.  The entire point of the 5k was to “run” the entire course.. I really don’t want to pay or participate if I can’t accomplish this task.  I’m doing well in my training just the same.  I can run for 10 minutes at a 4 mile per hour rate, I can jog a mile out side and the distance gets further each week.. but the gains in distance will not be fast enough to reach 3 miles by March 6^th.  I’m being a realist here.  I’m up each morning, walking every other day and jogging the next.  I’m outside and inside.. and since the realization of Mach 6^th set in.. I’ve been miserable.  I’m eating out of anxiety.. my bulimia even kicked in a few days, I’m throwing up in the morning.. and I just have this “gloom” about me.  No longer am I excited to be jogging.. no longer am I proud that I can jog a mile.. I’m just focusing on me NOT being about to jog the 5k. I talked my friends wife into taking my registration for the race so no money will be lost.. she is a jogger already and was going to run in this race.  I’m researching right now to sign up for a new race in April.  I want to send off the application for the new race by Friday.. I need to have a new one in site to keep my spirits up.  I jogged this morning outside.. went more than a mile, and today I felt good doing it.  Felt good at work and felt a spring in my step without the weight of inevitable failure of March 6^th on my shoulders.  I have not given up.. still training and feeling back to normal today, anxiety free. 

You all know how to warm a girls heart.. so I pop off line for about a 2 week leave to come back to see how great of a SF family/friend network I have… thx guys.  I’m jumped on a scale first thing this morning… nothing lost nothing gained.  That made me happy.  I knew I wasn’t eating in my 1500 range.. but I knew I wasn’t going all out bad also… just in a happy place I needed to be.  I still have issues with comfort from food.. but this will take time to re-learn or reprogram my brain.  I’m not stressed at all.. I feel as if as the months pass, if I keep losing, I will remain happy and content with myself.  I’d love to see 10 pounds a month leaving me.. but that isn’t going to happen with me.. but each day I get better.  Better with dealing with stress and sadness.. this time I take a break I didn’t gain.. just maintained.. that is better than each time before that I’ve taken my breaks. 

So lots of big events coming and I need to buckle on down:

March 6^th – 5k Jog!

March 15^th – 25 pounds gone/my 41^st B-day! (Ha Ha on this mini-goal.  I think I’m down 3 from when I set it but I don’t see 22 pounds going in 5 weeks.. but damn if I wont try J)

March 19-22: Disney World!  Gonna go and feel good getting on the rides.. not as small as I want to be, but going to have fun just the same!  I’m getting smaller each day, will feel great getting on the rides smaller than my last nightmare.

Time to buckle down and get some pounds gone and kick back in the training to daily training.. not just a few times a week. 

This week I’m doing great on the exercise.  Eating, well that is another story.  I can’t fill up!  I’m eating everything.  This weekend was the worst.  Now, I’ll let you know it is all healthy.  For example, I bought a one pound piece of wild salmon.  Made some brown rice and snow peas to go with it on Saturday and Zoë.. Zoë went out and I ended up eating both plates.  That same day I had two bowls of high fiber cereal with a banana in each.  Sunday went the same.. just couldn’t fill up.  I’m only eating healthy.. but tummy is never full.  I’m going to go back on the SF shakes tomorrow.  If I don’t lose this week I know why.. I’ll be ok with it too. I haven’t used the shakes in a while and I think I’ve expanded my tummy back out.  Good news.. 5k training is going GREAT!

feeling really good about things again, in control.  I think the 5k ahead of me is giving me some focus... something I was really lacking.  today is my OFF day.. no walk, no jogging.  I get to do nothing.  I really let myself enjoy it too.. slept in.  I adore sleeping.  I love exercising now too.  The endorphin release in the morning is remarkable.  So much so, I'm looking forward to my jog tomorrow!  People are finally starting to notice I'm losing weight.. getting compliments at work.  Even had a girl come to me for advice, said she noticed how cheerful I've been and I have so much energy.. I do.  I'm always trying to ADD more exercise to my day, like the ten lunges I do from my car to my front door and vice versa.  I now take the stairs TWICE for every one time I need to go up them at my house.  I park FAR away from the store.. and usually speed walk to get to there.  It is stupid how much I've changed just in two weeks.  Exercise is JUST what I needed.  Or maybe it is just the realization, I'm not going to be obese for the rest of my life.  

With a push off the cliff from sayeater.. the application was just put in the outgoing mail.  OMG!  Eeeekkk.. anxiety..  I did my walking yesterday morning, got up 30 min early to get it in.. did my jogging training the same way this morning.  Though I HATE getting out of bed early, I like getting it over with... not to mention the endorphins I get to enjoy most the day.  Exercise can make you feel WONDERFUL.  I hate the thought of doing it.. but afterwards I feel euphoric. 

I'm a bit concerned about tomorrows weigh-in.  The one area I've truly felt weight-loss is in my Mary Jane shoes.. I love walking in them because I use to bubble out of them on the top and now they are loose on me.. well they were.  Not yesterday, yesterday they fit?  I don't get it.  The Wii is showing me steadily gaining weight as well.  So first I thought my Wii must be wrong.. but now with the shoe evidence, I'm concerned.  I'm working out more now than ever... should have a great week.. but I'm thinking something is going on.  I lost my thyroid meds for a week.. last week.. went six days without.. just started back on Sunday.. these are meds I should NEVER stop taking.  OK.  I will remain calm about this until weigh-in tomorrow.  I've just been so excited about the thought of a loss.. that if I see a gain, well it will just suck. 

Today I started to really look at my 5k training.  There are a lot of Couch to 5k programs out there.  One of the better is a 9 week program.. I reviewed my current plan of 6 weeks of training, and analyzed the 9 week plan.. the 9 week was looking more realistic.  Problem.. I don't have 9 weeks.  To review I'm one week in and 7 weeks till race day.. I plotted the 8 weeks on my calendar.. as I figure I just needed to squeeze the other 8 weeks into 7 weeks.  It became possible because the training is 3 days a week, your off days you can rest or walk, I'm choosing to walk, taking one day a week completely OFF.  doing every other day INSTEAD of 3 days a weeks, I'm able to squeeze in 24 days of training into a 7 week program.  Ladies, keep up and grab a calendar if you need to this is procrastination math!  So.. I got this in the bag, no more I hope, I think or I wish.. It is time to send in the application an seal the deal on this dream.  It's mine. 

Great weekend.  Today I again did over 45 min on the WiiFit and 30 min on the Treadmill.  It was soooo hard not to jog today.  I want to run that 5k yesterday.  All day I was thinking how happy I will be to jog tomorrow.... I kept reading over the training session.. how long/far do I get to go this week.  They all seem exciting until I get to like week 4.. jog  a mile, walk 1/4 mile, jog a mile.  Right now that seems just a crazy thought.  I'm sure I'll be there.. but right now as excited as I am.. that really sounds CRAZY.  Really should be doing the 9 week program.. but I know I can do the 6 week!  I ate great today, exercised great, drank my water and I feel so wonderful.  I got to write a note to myself to read this post next time I feel down.  When I'm treating my body right, it feels so right.  I really needed that MLK challenge.  Pushing me to get off the couch and "just do it." 

Had a great day today.  I just want everyone to know I L-O-V-E my Wii Fitness Plus.  I used the trainer today for some strength training, did a little yoga.. very little.  It amazes me how that balance board works.  For those of you without one some exercises have a red dot in a circle.. goal during the exercise, to keep the red dot in the circle.  This helps you know you are turning, pushing, leaning, stretching properly, EVERY MOVEMENT.. It makes you use the right muscles.  and when you get it right.. you feel it in the right place.   All while you have a virtual trainer letting you know how to correct what you are doing wrong or encourage when you are doing right.  It can tell if your body is not shifting or moving right (since it knows your weight and BMI) oh, it amazes me.  The games?  Well they are made to reinforce the training you are receiving... all while keeping track of calories burned, time on and many other frills.  It is remarkable.  I use to want a personal trainer and a gym membership.. this is all that in the convenience and privacy of my home, less $$$$ too.  Better than a fitness video or magazine/book. OK so far my review is 5 out of 5 stars. 

I'm also on my week one of 5k training.  I feel my foot, stupid foot.  And yet, I'm still trying to do MORE than what my training schedule says, set up by professionals who know what they are doing.  I had to hold myself back from trying to run more than my lil 6 min intervals.  I'm committed to following the schedule.. no pushing myself.  On my off-days, just walking... and I need a total rest day in there.  Week one, stick to the plan. 

Out of SF till Thursday when we go for the Walmart trip.  Still miss my shakes, my Publix doesn't even carry the powder.  Just watching what I eat.  I did have pancakes for breakfast, no butter/lil syrup.  Veggies for lunch, lots of water.. and right now I need to sign off and finish my lo-fat chicken and rice, yummy!

ha ha.. I love how last week a Zero pushes me over the edge and this week a Zero makes me happy.. oh I'm not a stable one that is for sure.  OK, great day I mean fantastic day!  I did all I was suppose to do in my day.  I had my healthy snacks, I packed my lunch, I wrote in my food journal.. even added my water count, which hit a gallon today!  I did my wii fitness, did the tread mill on the wii fitness for 30 minutes.. me and Treadmill are getting ready for a yes, do I try again, do I speak of it??? YES the 5k training is back on!  I'm walking this week ONLY walking.. then doing the couch to 5k program.  I downloaded the application for race day and it is March 6th.  I can still make my goal of running a 5k before I turn 41.  March 15th... crap I got 25 pounds to lose by then, me and my goals.  Got to get some numbers besides 0 on the board if I'm going to make it.  OK, slow your roll girl, getting ahead of yourself... just get to bedtime with out a bowl of ice cream and you'll be fine :) 

I want you to know how much I hate you all... really hate you ALL.  It started last week.. I wanted to throw in the towel.  Things are just really getting to me, I feel like I did 1000 times before.  I said, OK spruce up your profile with some pictures.. switch it up a bit, write on some profiles.. I did.. still felt like crap, like I'm done.  Had a horrible weekend.. in every way.. then Monday comes.  I decided I'm not giving up.  I even did that volunteer thing where you get a free Disney World Ticket.. thought in my mind that memory of the roller coaster could motivate me.. I did it... then I'm walking into work today, Tuesday, I had to go through the back warehouse since I was early.  An installer decides to yell a fat joke at me.. he is like 60 years old.  I don't even look at him and just keep walking.  I walked the entire warehouse not to have to see him.. I wanted so bad to say something, I'm the type of girl who does, a in your face chick.. but today I just felt like avoiding and crying.  I stopped by the bathroom, 40 years old and cried because someone made a joke about me.  Decided I didn't care.  I didn't care about me.. had McDonalds for breakfast that a co-worker brought me in.. A salesman had Panera Bread for making his quota.. so he brings us tons of goodies as a thank you for your help, I eat this too and Krispy Creams from the manager for some reason I don't know.. I eat them too.. so I had three YES 3 breakfasts.. I was sick to my tummy.  I didn't care.  I didn't eat lunch.. just went to my car and thought how bad my life was and if I didn't have my kid I'd just want to fade away.. Then I get home tonight.  I get an email from sayeater, " The SF peeps are getting restless.  I think that they think you've left. ..."  She was right-on with sending me a email.. I needed it..but I start to cry again.  I'm such a failure.  I come to the website to delete my account, I hate things right now.  I see sisterc broke the 100 pound mark.  I cry.  I spent an hour reading her posts and announcements throughout this year.  Man, some of you are so strong here.  I am not.  I talk a good game.. but if we are all in a wagon.. and I keep falling off.. at this point I picture myself on a rope just being drug along by hjsmith's peppiness, newtitus2009 cheerleading, twistygirls determination, sayeaters confidence, moochpookie's evolution, mustangnana's prayers, mom2teens' tenacity, Shylins encouragement, alwasmlin development, jodiehut's self-assured enthusiasm, adoucet youthfulness and all of you old and new SF family riding in the wagon.. Sisterc is holding the reins of the horses with her YEAR of experience and 100 POUNDS lost.. and there I am, sand in the mouth, tattered clothing, gravel in my hair.. just being drug along.  So I'm here.  I'm not leaving.  Haven't even weighed in this week.  Just hating the ride right now.  And the rest of you, I hate you all because it seems easier if you'd just give up.. let go of the rope and ride on this journey without me.  **sigh**   enough feeling sorry.. man can I feel bad for me!  I'm gonna drink some water and play some Just Dance with the kid.. and live to fight another day. 

I had two weeks of good weigh-ins.. this week I got a ZERO.  I've gained many a week; this one 0 just hurt.  I needed some pep in my day and I didn't get it.  I've been exercising, I've been eating right during the days.. maybe my evening intake is too high?  I got a journal.. but haven't been using it like I should.. Like I said I would.  I will now.  I'm starting, well that time of a girls month.. could just be some retention, I'm definitely feeling crabby.  But the good news.. my being bad today was just drinking a crap load of diet cokes!  I did have a sub of eggplant parm and some peanut butter cups.. but that is all I had all day.  I'm sure I stayed in my allowed calories... just not in a healthy way.  So that me being bad wasn't like I use to be bad, right?  Still I hate that I'm not dealing with my emotional eating like I should.. I'm getting better, still need to grow... and not in pounds.