I've been thinking about diets and kids and how we react to each other. I think we might forget that the ups and downs of our diets affect our children, our whole family.  Even a 40 year old child, who wants us to succeed, will sabatogue a diet for a cupcake.  Kids instinctly know how to  get us to "make cupcakes". They may pester us, or keep asking for something or just give us the sad face and we crack. We crack and they just provided us with the excuse. My Granddaughter is great at that.  Anyway it  takes awhile for the family  to see how serious we are and adjust to the new  Mom (or Dad or Grandma) and less cupcakes.

Nancy.... first, and most importantly, you are not alone.  I truly believe that we can be addicted to food.... I know I am!  I am having a hard time myself trying to deal with life without my 'drug.'  In fact, this past weekend things (mostly my husband and our financial issues) were getting the best of me.  I gave in.... I ate.  I gave myself permission to eat as I wanted/needed for just the weekend. I was tired of dealing with issues.... the stress was just too much.... and I wanted to stuff it back down.  I remember thinking..... I'm a junkie.... I need my fix.  I woke up Monday morning feeling okay.... a few regrets..... and got right back on the program.  That was my first real setback since I've started this program in July.  Hopefully, it will be a very long time before I feel like that again.  I refuse to beat myself up for it, so please dont you do that either. We are human.  We use food to cope and that will take time to change.  But this website has been my only saving grace.... I knew the entire weekend that I spent eating that I was going to have to confess to all of you.  You all are what keeps me going.  So, just hang in there Nancy.... and keep logging onto this site for support and encouragement.  You doing a super job!

Hug a cupcake or hug a kid. Most of the time the cupcakes are more huggable for sure. And you own kids are harder to deal with because you are  responsible for them all the time. So don't feel like a phony. That is how it really is in every household, I think. We are always harder on those we love because they will forgive us. I get real cranky about 10:00 every morning and I realize it is time for my morning snack bar. Then I feel better and can continue my day in a much better frame of mind. Maybe you can arrange your meals and snacks so you can have a snack bar after work. Then you will come home more satisfied and ready to cope.

Yup.  The cupcakes are the evil self medication...sure we can all relate.  You are recognizing it and you are reaching out. 

As far as the phoniness, aren't all addicts sort of grouchy when they stop drinking, smoking etc?  I'm sure depriving yourself of your "drug" now that you are "back on the wagen" is bound to make you grouchy.  How many have posted that their first few days/week have made them verocious bears to the ones they love.  Once my daughter told me that her friend said, "Your mom is so nice" and she said, "Not if you live with her."  Ah!  It's so true.  We can take it out on the ones we love the easist.  Take a deep breath, know that you are not doing this alone and tomorrow will be another day.  Big hugs!

I've wonder a lot about this lately.  Like how I know I can't fit on a ride with my kid when we go to Orlando, cry because of embarrassment.. how could I NOT change my lifestyle?  How when I know I'm killing myself.. lowering my time on this earth. WHY can I just not simply stop this eating.  When will I be full.  That last bite where I say, now I'm full, time for recovery to begin.  Because like you said this is an addiction, and we are in recovery.  We can use words like "relapse" and "sobriety" I've made the decision that I want to quit overeating as not a way to just eliminate pain, but to enjoy life more. I don't know if eliminating pain is a strong enough motivation for me to change my lifestyle, to be honest, maybe for a couple of weeks before the pain resides. Then what? If I do start overeating again, which I am not planning on, it doesn't have anything to do with me not getting anything yet. I choose to view this time in a positive light, as with other peoples "recovery". I don't look at people that have posted saying that they are gaining weight saying "what don't they get?". I think it's still a tremendous accomplishment that people have gone as long as they have, relapse or not. Odds are, the next time they hit 35 days or so, they will have a reminder of the last time they made it that long and what happenned when they do overeat. I think it is great to pave your way to a healthier you, without falling back several times, but it doesn't mean that it is black or white. People can still truly 100% be ready and committed to change their life style, and still relapse. It happens. I don't think this should suggest they aren't ready. Just my opinion.  I so agree with you this is an addiction.  There is more going on in a human who has gained over 100 pounds than the person who needs to take off 10-20 pounds.  These are just my thoughts.  As I try to lose weight, and fail, and try again.. I try to figure out the bigger picture.  Best of health to you Nancy.  I know how hard this journey is.. I've lost 90 pounds and swore NEVER again.. then flash forward in my life.. here I am again with more than 90 to lose.  and I so get looking "perfect" while behind the curtains is something different.  Be strong.. I'm sure you are or you would not be searching for a better life.  Peace Coni

Since Sunday I've been doing pretty well on the diet again, today so far was ok.  However the last half of my workday was very stressful, then I came home to both my sons giving me a hard time about doing their homework.  They keep dawdling and getting distracted when I know they can do the work if they just apply themselves.  I started screaming at both of them.  Right now I feel so phony and so inqdequate.  At church and at work I spend time with children and everyone thinks I'm so patient and sweet and so good with kids, meanwhile I'm screaming at my own kids.  I start talking to my husband because I just need to vent and I'm hoping maybe he'll reassure me, instead he's watching TV and doesn't even hear I word I say.  I just walk away and get on the computer.  What I really want to do is go make cupcakes.  I keep thinking I still have a box of cake mix and a jar of frosting in the fridge.  All my life I prided myself in never having touched a drug, but that's not true.  Food is my drug, and right now the addiction is harder than it's been in months.